Some thoughts...

Last night I was feeling frustrated so I started writing. It ended up being amazingly therapeutic and made me feel a lot better. So I thought I'd share. By the way this is probably the cheesiest thing I've ever written...

Sometimes I look at my life and wonder: Is this it? Is this how I am going to spend my next 20 years? The constant cleaning when you know its only going to be dirty again tomorrow. Trying to discipline a toddler who is acting out and will not listen to a word you say. Trying to feed him fruit and vegetables when all he wants is candy and chips. Trying to entertain him with a book when all he wants to do is watch TV. Trying to keep your cool when he screams at the top of his lungs and breaks something you had no idea he could reach. And then there's the baby: the constant feeding which to be honest hurts and is usually followed by being puked on and/or changing poop. He cries a LOT and doesn't give you much love. Then your husband comes home and wonders why you're in a bad mood and wonders why there's no dinner ready. He calls you high maintenance when you get angry he leaves his stuff on the floor and calls you a nag when you ask him to take the rubbish out three times in half an hour. You ask "permission" to go and take a shower and feel guilty to take a nap while he watches both kids, even though that's what you've been doing all day! You are completely exhausted.......

And then you have a moment, it usually takes only one, and it all becomes worth it. All the picking up dirty socks and doing dishes. All the 3am feedings and dirty nappies. All the mundane and monotonous things you do every day become worth it when your two year old does something so cute you have to laugh, when he runs over the baby and kisses his head. When he sits on your lap and plays with your hair. When he comes over to you for a cuddle just because he wants to be close to you. When he curls up in bed with his favourite toy and softly snores. When your baby looks up at you with those huge eyes and blinks, when he burps so loud after you feed him. When he falls asleep in only your arms. When he cries until you hold him. And when your husband tells you you look cute today, or when you look at each other and laugh over something only you both know. When you know what he's thinking and what he's going to say. In that moment you realize that this is true happiness, this is what you have wanted all along, this is what makes everything else doable. In that moment you know that you are doing potentially the most difficult thing in the world. You are being a wife and a mum.